A very good read to all Dads out there

I just saw this post on facebook and it sure did sum up my whole state right now. Spot on. 😢

"Your wife needs you" : An open letter to all Dads 

"No one in this world can be a better mother to your children. You know this, and sometimes, she needs to be reminded that she knows this too..."

Dear Dads,

If your wife is a stay-at-home mum, it’s likely that she’s tired – all the time. It’s likely that looking after your beautiful cherubs day in, day out, is the most difficult and challenging role she’s ever taken on.

She really doesn’t get to take a break, even in the nights, where she’s on-call to nurse and soothe your little baby. She’s taken on the multiple roles of full-time carer, nurse, cook, taxi-driver, protector, kisser of boo-boos and destroyer of fears.

Yet, despite these many roles, she may be struggling with finding her core identity, wanting to return to paid work, but immediately cancelling that thought due to the guilt of not being with the kids.

She probably even envies you at times – you get to dress up, meet other people and have adult conversations, while she doesn’t get to take a shower until 2pm and her linguistic skills these days are limited to toddler talk and babbling.

Her brain sometimes feels numb. Staying at home is certainly no vacation

If your wife is a working mum, trust me, she’s no less exhausted. Her day certainly doesn’t end when she gets home after work. In fact, that’s when a whole new job begins and she makes up for the time she was away from the kids.

And while she holds a top position at work, you can be sure that she too sometimes struggles with her identity.

She needs to find that perfect balance of career and raising your kids – and this is not at all easy. It involves emotions – guilt and sadness included – and those “what ifs” may haunt her for the rest of her life, even though she may never tell you this.

Whether she is a stay-at-home or working mum, your wife needs you. So Much. 

She needs affirmation through those times of self-doubt. 

When you find her crying because she’s just yelled at your toddler for purposely up-ending his food, and now he’s crying too, and she feels like the worst mum in the world – please re-assure her that this is not the case, that sometimes children can be a parent’s kryptonite.

When she’s crying and feeling like a rotten mother because that unexpected meeting at work made her late to your child’s first dance recital, tell her that what matters is that she got there anyway, battling bosses and traffic.

She’s not a rotten mother; she is in fact, the best mum ever.

No one in this world can be a better mother to your children. You know this, and sometimes, she needs to be reminded that she knows this too.

She needs understanding

When you come home and talk to her about your day and you notice her attention is not quite with you… you’re probably right, it isn’t. Her mind’s eye is watching your flu-struck little girl who is finally sleeping. Please understand that she’s not ignoring you in moments like this.

When you reach out for her in the night and she softly murmurs “I’m tired”, please understand that she actually is tired.

This is not just regular tired either – it’s an exhaustion that’s bone-crushing and demands that she sleeps as soon as she gets the chance. She still loves you unconditionally and desires you, but right now, at this moment, her body is demanding sleep.

She needs you to listen to her

You may be the only adult company she gets for the day.

She’s been bursting to tell you about what your little ones did all day – everything really, from the moment they made her melt with love with their sweet kisses and hugs, to the moment she wanted to die with embarrassment when your son threw a mega tantrum at the supermarket.

If she needs to vent her frustrations, if she needs to express the myriad emotions she feels through her long day – please understand, and please listen.

And in those times when she is in a dark place, not able to even get out of bed to go to your crying child, hear her unspoken plea for help. Talk to her, listen to her and get her the help she needs.

She needs you to love her. 

She needs to know you love her more than anything right now. Your wife is beautiful in your eyes – she always has been and always will be.

But she doesn’t feel beautiful on many days. She doesn’t see the soft curves that you love. She sees fat and flab. She can’t bear to look at her belly which is criss-crossed with stretch marks and she gets ever so frustrated about her inability to lose those three kilos that you don’t even notice.

She is anxious that her assumed unattractiveness is making your eyes wander. She is insecure about your new (child-less) colleague with the firm, taut tummy; that you will find her so much more attractive than she is.

Please don’t brush off her anxieties, because to her they are real, even though to you, they are ridiculous.

Please reassure her in these moments of self-doubt that she is, and has always been, the only one for you. That you love her even more now, if that is even possible, as the mother of your children.

Tell her she is beautiful, because she is.

Who else glows like that when they see you cuddling or playing with the kids? When you spot her in that unguarded moment gazing at your sleeping child with a beautiful smile lighting up her face and a love-light shining in her eyes?

Have you even seen anyone so beautiful? I thought not.

Your wife needs you more than ever before… please don’t forget this.

** 

Thank you, Nalika Unantenne 

Source: sg.theasianparent.com

Thank you, 2015!

For a very blessed and fruitful year. Thank you! 

Everyday miracle

Just when I was about to give in and sulk in pain, just when I was about to bury another memory in my heart and move along with a pained heart, I came across this message from Pope Francis. 

BEING HAPPY

by Pope Francis

"You may have defects, be anxious and sometimes live irritated, but do not forget that your life is the greatest enterprise in the world. Only you can prevent it from going into decadence. There are many that need you, admire you and love you.

I would like to remind you that being happy is not having a sky without storms, or roads without accidents, or work without fatigue, or relationships without disappointments.

Being happy is finding strength in forgiveness, hope in one’s battles, security at the stage of fear, love in disagreements.

Being happy is not only to treasure the smile, but that you also reflect on the sadness. 

It is not just commemorating the event, but also learning lessons in failures. 

It is not just having joy with the applause, but also having joy in anonymity.

Being happy is to recognize that it is worthwhile to live, despite all the challenges, misunderstandings and times of crises.

Being happy is not inevitable fate, but a victory for those who can travel towards it with your own being.

Being happy is to stop being a victim of problems but become an actor in history itself. 

It is not only to cross the deserts outside of ourselves, but still more, to be able to find an oasis in the recesses of our soul. 

It is to thank God every morning for the miracle of life.

Being happy is not being afraid of one's feelings. It is to know how to talk about ourselves. It is to bear with courage when hearing a "no". 

It is to have the security to receive criticism, even if it is unfair. 

It is to kiss the children, pamper the parents, have poetic moments with friends, even if they have hurt us.

Being happy means allowing the free, happy and simple child inside each of us to live; having the maturity to say, "I was wrong"; having the audacity to say, "forgive me". 

It is to have sensitivity in expressing, "I need you"; to have the ability of saying, "I love you." 

So that your life becomes a garden full of opportunities for being happy...

In your spring-time, may you become a lover of joy. In your winter, may you become a friend of wisdom. 

And when you go wrong along the way, you start all over again. Thus you will be more passionate about life. 

And you will find that happiness is not about having a perfect life but about using tears to water tolerance, losses to refine patience, failures to carve serenity, pain to lapidate pleasure, obstacles to open the windows of intelligence.

Never give up .... Never give up on the people you love. Never give up from being happy because life is an incredible show. 

And you are a special human being!"

I felt really moved and couldn't help but cry. He speaks to me all the time, especially when I needed it the most. 

He is always so accurate and precise and he never ceases to amaze me. I am cery grateful for this moment. It is my little miracle. 

Sobrang thank you, Lord. Thank you for touching me, for giving a shoulder to lean on. Thank you. Thank you. 

Unexplained Pain

Today, I'm feeling so much pain. 

It's too painful that I couldn't even explain it. Most of the time I question myself, Do I deserve this? 

You see, I have a lot of locked emotions inside me and as much as possible I try to keep it that way. Why? Because I do not want to burden anybody. I don't want to explain, I don't need an advise and most especially, I don't want to be judged. 

My mind has been so restless, I couldn't sleep or eat well. I  have so many things going inside my head. How I wish I was just being overly dramatic about it. But I am not. 

I am so afraid that I might lose all what's left and just give up. I am afraid of the mere thought of considering it because I know that when I decide, there's no turning back. 

I want the pain to go away, I want the bad memories to go away. I just want all of these to go away. 

Losing it

So I was checking my previous notes in my laptop and found out that last June 2014 was also the time that I was praying so hard for something to happen. Well, I guess, most of  my Junes were always about waiting.

It was almost the same time this year that I was desperately wanting to get something but it just did not happen and yes I know there were better reasons. 

But, honestly, I am really starting to lose hope. :( 

It may sound crazy and contradicting, considering that I was full of confidence the last time I blogged about this and now here I am.. doubting all the remaining hope I've got. 

xx

Let your faith be bigger than your fears.

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in a prayer,
believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. - Mark 11:24

It has been crazy for the past weeks, I had to finish and accomplish a lot of things because I was following a strict timeline and at one point it felt like I was drowning with the things I wanted to accomplish all at the same time. I wanted so many things to happen, I wanted it really bad because I knew that it will be another milestone not just for me but for my family as well. 

By nature, I am very persistent. I always try to make things happen (borderline - brat) and do whatever I can to get what I want and it disappoints me if I fail to get it. I also tend to overthink and analyze, I always try to view all sides of the spectrum, run down all the what ifs inside my head and just basically think about everything that could go wrong! I feel that if I don't think about it, it would just simply make everything worse and all the more that it might just not happen. 

Year ender: Never forget.

Thirty minutes to go before the last day of the year and I'am still trying to collect my thoughts and recall the highlights of my year 2014. Well, for a fact it has really been a busy year for me, it was a pretty bumpy start but I am grateful on how everything turned out. It wasn't so bad after all. :)

I wanted to write about how my year went and how I learned so many things about work, parenting, friendship, relationships and life in general but then I said, I wanted to write about something that I might have forgotten, well not really, but at least, I might have  (unintentionally)  taken for granted. 

You see, being a working mom is really difficult. It's not all day play, it's not magic. But it's fulfilling. Yes, I know. You might have heard that cliché already but it's true. The moment I gave birth, I promised myself that no matter how busy I get, my child will always be my number one priority. I want to be there for her in every step of the way. I want to witness all her milestones. My goal was to be a hands-on Mom and so far I think I am on the right track. 

As awesome and as loving as it may sound, there's something wrong in the scenario above. Yes, you got it. I totally forgot the fact that there are three of us now. I forgot that the saying goes "Family should always come first." and family means, Daddy is included in the picture. :) I forgot this fundamental principle that each married couple should always remember: 

It has been 16 months since we became parents and having a child can be quite a handful and in these days, it's really difficult for us to go out without tagging Janna along. Especially now that she's growing up and she's becoming more clingy. 

I got a war in my mind.

I've been meaning to write about my feelings lately but my mind is too cluttered, I don't even know how to start. 

I have several topics in  my head but I could not choose what to write about, so please bear with me. 

Can you believe that we are at the last quarter of the year already? It's October! It seems like it was only yesterday when my Little Miss was born and now she already knows how to walk on her own. 

Honestly, this year has been pretty challenging for me, well for us. They say, first year's the hardest! I guess that's true. I guess no one can really prepare you for the battle that adult life has to offer and yes, I admit. It is difficult. 

There are so many things to think about and time is always not enough. Sometimes, I just want to cry my heart out and just let the feelings flow. But I couldn't. It feels like I need to lock it all inside because people would never understand. 

But I don't want to go crazy! I just feel really sad because even if I try to make the feelings go away, I just can't. 
It lingers. It's as if I am this big bag of ziplock, trying so hard to keep everything inside. no spills, no holes, no room for air to pass through. 

I could not explain, I could not even express, all I know is that

I got a war in my mind. 

Did this ever happen to you? If yes, how did you survive? 

xx

July 2014's Many Firsts

I was pretty grateful how July 2014 went for me, we've experienced quite a number of firsts. 

1. Janna had an awesome time in her first staycation experience with the rest of our family at the Richmonde Hotel, Ortigas. 
2. Leaving home for work for the first time suddenly became so difficult = Separation Anxiety
3. First stroll in Mckinley Hill, the new location of my office. 
4. First welcome cake. First time to experience a very warm welcome from my new colleagues. 
5. Dad, Janna and I tried out Yabu. It is in deed the best Katsu house. Haha!
6. I finally got to wear my Audrey Hepburn dress that I bought in Y2009. It was my first time to wear it given that it never really fitted me before and voila! a Post-pregnancy photo op! :) 
7. First time to attend the PMAP General Assembly at the Marriot. 
8. Finally found our new home and for the first time made the arrangements by myself. 

It was quite a fulfilling and steady month for me and I really hope to get through the whole year happily. Yay! 

xx

You are not a tree.

Tomorrow is my first day in my new work. 

After seven months of blog hibernation, here I am trying to sort everything out through writing. So let me try to give you a brief summary of how my life went these past few months. 

After my one-year and eight months relationship with Stream, I decided to leave and find a company who can offer me a constant day-shift because as you know I'm a new mom and I want to regularly sleep with my baby at night. Luckily, I was able to transfer and the company's offer was able to meet my needs except for I had to work six-days a week. 

At that time, I felt like I did not have much of a choice so I said, go.  It was a traditional company and compared to the culture and environment that I have been  with for the past seven years, it was totally different. It was different in a sense that people I work with had different perspectives, they had different goals. My boss was very old school and his management style did not welcome diversity which really gave me a hard time to adjust. But then I said, what the heck, why not give it a shot? Whatever it is that I'll experience would be part of my character building anyway. 

Happy thoughts!

Janna's first photo shoot: 

We availed two packages: We got the Silk - Package D which was P1,595 and the Silk - 12pcs (3R) which was P1770. Their packages were very affordable and worth it. You will also automatically become a Pic-A-Boo member as soon as reach P3,000 worth of any of their packages. You may combine packages if you wish. 

So if you're also interested to have a fun pictorial for your little ones, you may check out their facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/picaboostudio

xx

Janna's second month.

I can't believe how time flies, we celebrated Janna's second month yesterday. She's growing up so fast and every day she never fails to surprise me. I am one lucky mom. :) 

(I had to use my creativity for Janna's cake. Haha TADA! :D)

xx

How I delivered my miracle and the things I learned.

If you have read my previous posts, you would know that it took some time before I finally gave birth to Janna, we waited several weeks before we decided that it was time for plan B. I was really pushing for a normal/natural delivery but time did not permit me to do so. I was already on my 40th week but my cervix has not dilated and I was not progressing at all. I even took supplements and walked everyday to help bring in the contractions but all were ineffective. 

So on my last check up, my OB advised me that since I'm already on my 40th week and still have not progressed, I can already undergo an induced labor procedure, though there was no guarantee that my cervix will open and if that happened, I would need to undergo a c-section. It seemed like I was running out of time so right then and there, Miguel and I agreed for me to skip the whole labor drama and just be operated via a cesarean section.  

And that was it, that night, the 27th of August, my OB called in the hospital and gave instructions that I will be admitted by 7PM and will be operated by 9AM the next day. Oh-EM-GEE! Can you just imagine how scared I was? Haha! I have never had any major operation in my entire life, Not to mention all the articles that I've read about the whole procedure! Hay! It also felt like I was cheating the whole experience of becoming a mother. 

To ease my tension, before I was admitted to the hospital, Miguel and I dropped by megamall to shop for some of Janna's things. We also attended mass to of course pray for my safe delivery. By 8:30, we arrived at the hospital and went straight to the labor room. 

LABOR ROOM EXPERIENCE

Well, basically, nothing much happened here. My labor was not induced so they just checked if I progressed and to my surprise, I did. My cervix was 1 cm dilated but Janna was still so active and I was not having any contractions at all. Two resident doctors interviewed me for my medical history and I was brought to my room after. 

( Note: In the whole duration of my pregnancy, I did not want my photo to be taken because I knew that I really did not look good. HAHA But since it was my last night of being pregnant, I said, WHAT THE HECK? CLICK!")

To a Best friend.

Last night was one of the funniest and craziest conversation I had with a friend ever since I can remember. We basically talked about how our lives turned out, how we used to do all things together and of course how our friendship seemed to have taken it's down fall. 

It was funny because time passed by so quickly that so many things have happened, we both went on different directions but after all these years, it turned out that we were still the same people. We were still the crazy girls, we once were. 

You see, we met when we were twelve. Well I was twelve and she was thirteen. It was our first year in high school, she became my seatmate and we just started talking about the most random things and never stopped. We became best friends ever since. We would always do things together, go on random adventures to a place we've never been to just for the heck of it, fight our battles together, we always had each other's back. We even planned to enroll in the same college but I was too lazy to process my college applications, so I ended up enrolling to a different university. 

On our high school graduation, we promised to stay in touch despite our different schools but this did not happen. Over some silly and shallow reason, we fought and just stopped talking to each other. And that's how I lost my best friend.

Take a vacation from worries.

Going a different direction. 

I was supposed to write about how I want to take a different direction and how anxious I am that it's already October and I only have a month left 'til I go back to work but I received an automated email from an app that I registered in and here's what I got: 

Take this moment to conjure up a fond memory. A time in your life when you were content and happy. Dwell on that moment for a while, let those feelings of contentment permeate your soul. Today is a good day to be content, so take a vacation from your worries.

Upon reading this, I came to a realization that, I've been thinking of the same things everyday and it just seem to make me anxious all the time. So why not give myself a break?

I have decided not to think of anything today and just enjoy the rest of the day without any worries.Yes, there may be things that are beyond of our control but I have faith that God will grace me with wisdom, just in time for when I will truly need it.

What about you? What's on your mind? Are you also willing to take a vacation from your worries today? 

xx

My Janna is a month old!

20130928

xx

A quick pause.

Woah. I can't believe that it has been four weeks already since I gave birth and up until now, I have not shared my birth story. Well, as you all know, we have recently encountered back to back life changing events and we needed time for transition. 

It has been crazy for the past weeks! Can you believe that just eight days after I gave birth, we moved to our new house? Ha! Luckily, we did not have any hard time moving in since our families were kind enough to help us out. Of course, Miguel had to do all the "buhat" because I was not allowed to carry so much and share with the heavy work due to my recent c-section and besides, I was already tasked to carry the most important thing and that was our little girl. 

I have been really busy in taking care of Janna and so far she has not given me a hard time ever since day 1. Though, I admit, taking care of a newborn baby is not easy. It's really exhausting. Not to mention, that aside from taking care of her, I also need to clean the house, cook, do the laundry and of course to take care of my husband too. But despite all of these, I still feel very happy and blessed. Who would have thought that a spoiled brat like me can immediately switch in becoming a full time mommy?

The long wait is over!

More photos to come. :)

Never forget.

The BIG Move.

(Photo source: http://pinterest.com/pin/185562447116001206/)

Today is the 14th, I only have a day 'til my estimated due date and I'm still very pregnant. We are all very excited for the big day but it seems that our little one is taking time for her big debut. My OB prescribed me to take evening primrose  to help ripen my cervix. I was advised to take it for a week and we'll see if I will progress. She also re-computed my EDD and told us that we have until the 27th to wait. So that's it. We don't have any choice but to WAIT. 

On the other side of things, Miguel and I are up for a new challenge. Aside from expecting our first born, we have also decided to add some more spice in our married life. HA! We decided to find our own place. Well, it was really part of our plan already but not until 2015. We decided to move because we believe that now is also the perfect time for us to experience how it is to live on our own. If we are not going to be ready now? Then, when? So we sucked in our guts and started looking for a place.