Thirty minutes to go before the last day of the year and I'am still trying to collect my thoughts and recall the highlights of my year 2014. Well, for a fact it has really been a busy year for me, it was a pretty bumpy start but I am grateful on how everything turned out. It wasn't so bad after all. :)
I wanted to write about how my year went and how I learned so many things about work, parenting, friendship, relationships and life in general but then I said, I wanted to write about something that I might have forgotten, well not really, but at least, I might have (unintentionally) taken for granted.
You see, being a working mom is really difficult. It's not all day play, it's not magic. But it's fulfilling. Yes, I know. You might have heard that cliché already but it's true. The moment I gave birth, I promised myself that no matter how busy I get, my child will always be my number one priority. I want to be there for her in every step of the way. I want to witness all her milestones. My goal was to be a hands-on Mom and so far I think I am on the right track.
As awesome and as loving as it may sound, there's something wrong in the scenario above. Yes, you got it. I totally forgot the fact that there are three of us now. I forgot that the saying goes "Family should always come first." and family means, Daddy is included in the picture. :) I forgot this fundamental principle that each married couple should always remember:
It has been 16 months since we became parents and having a child can be quite a handful and in these days, it's really difficult for us to go out without tagging Janna along. Especially now that she's growing up and she's becoming more clingy.
A few weeks back, Miguel and I went out on an unplanned movie date without Janna. But before pushing through with that, it took me hours to decide whether I should drop by the house to pick her up so she can come with us or just go straight to the movie house and meet Miguel after work. But a good friend jokingly told me that I should start training Janna to experience or at least have a feel of what "tough love" is and I was like, "You're crazy, right? My daughter is one year old!! She can't even talk yet!"
Well of course, I know that what she really meant was to let her learn to become more independent and discover things on her own, even if that would mean that we're out of the picture. She needed to learn how to cope on her own. (If you're a breastfeeding mother, you would definitely know how I felt at that moment. It was torture.)
But then it came to me that my friend actually has a very valid point! As much as I'd want to be there for my daughter all the time and as much as I'd want to become the best Mother there is, I can't really be there for her all the time and I guess, in order to become a good parent, one of the criteria is for you to be able to impart learnings to your child as well. And then another realization came up to me, I was totally pre-occupied on becoming a good mother and I forgot that I am not just a mother, I am also a wife.
Before Janna came along and before Miguel and I got married, we were not your typical couple who would go out on expensive dates. We also do not give out gifts each month. Yes, we would go out to eat or watch a movie but most of the time we just hang out and chat. We enjoy having different types of conversations, may it be in a coffee shop, a restaurant or even just inside the car at a parking lot.
Our relationship may have not been as grand as others, it may have not started in the usual courtship but we started out right. We started out as friends. We were simple but I can say that I was able to feel the right amount of love and kilig. He gave me that teenage dream as as I would always describe it (Ha! cheeseballs).
We like doing things together, though it may seem that the turn out of events may have fast forwarded a bit, we knew that we wanted these things to happen. We love each other for who we were and even for we're not and before getting married, we knew that we did not need to get married just because Janna was there or because our parents said so but because we really wanted to and we will not stay together just because of Janna, with or without her, we know that we will stick together, simply because of each other.
I read in one entry that the common misconception for us, married couples would be that we tend to forget that our children are supposed to add and not subtract in the union of a couple. It usually takes time before we notice it which also surprises some couples and they begin to wonder what ever happened in their marriage. I certainly do not want that to happen but life is really such a breeze and before we know it, the moment we don't want to miss will just pass us by if we do not carefully pay attention and this just doesn't mean our little ones' milestones but our moments with our spouses too.
So, as early as now, remember to savor each time. Random dates, quality times and romance doesn't just feel good. It is important and we need it. We need it to make sure that we are still on the right track, we need it to remember how it used to be and why we stayed and chose to commit.
I won't be a hypocrite and say that I have perfected and managed to balance my life as of the moment but at least now I know that there is really an order to everything and in order to become an effective parent, I must first be an effective wife. After all, at one point of our lives, it's really just going to be the two of us.
So for 2014, with everything that has happened, my most favorite learning would be, adult life is difficult, married life is difficult. After doing a leap of faith, it may not turn out exactly as you want it to be but do not forget why you made that leap in the first place.
Yes, I may have written that relationships should not be hard work. Well, I guess, it really is. But we should never forget that we are not alone in it. We should never forget that love is not out of fate, it is a choice. We choose to love and we choose to commit.
Do not let the love and feelings slip away.
Always remember what made you stay.
Before Janna came along and before Miguel and I got married, we were not your typical couple who would go out on expensive dates. We also do not give out gifts each month. Yes, we would go out to eat or watch a movie but most of the time we just hang out and chat. We enjoy having different types of conversations, may it be in a coffee shop, a restaurant or even just inside the car at a parking lot.
Our relationship may have not been as grand as others, it may have not started in the usual courtship but we started out right. We started out as friends. We were simple but I can say that I was able to feel the right amount of love and kilig. He gave me that teenage dream as as I would always describe it (Ha! cheeseballs).
We like doing things together, though it may seem that the turn out of events may have fast forwarded a bit, we knew that we wanted these things to happen. We love each other for who we were and even for we're not and before getting married, we knew that we did not need to get married just because Janna was there or because our parents said so but because we really wanted to and we will not stay together just because of Janna, with or without her, we know that we will stick together, simply because of each other.
I read in one entry that the common misconception for us, married couples would be that we tend to forget that our children are supposed to add and not subtract in the union of a couple. It usually takes time before we notice it which also surprises some couples and they begin to wonder what ever happened in their marriage. I certainly do not want that to happen but life is really such a breeze and before we know it, the moment we don't want to miss will just pass us by if we do not carefully pay attention and this just doesn't mean our little ones' milestones but our moments with our spouses too.
So, as early as now, remember to savor each time. Random dates, quality times and romance doesn't just feel good. It is important and we need it. We need it to make sure that we are still on the right track, we need it to remember how it used to be and why we stayed and chose to commit.
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| 20130601: Our very first date |
So for 2014, with everything that has happened, my most favorite learning would be, adult life is difficult, married life is difficult. After doing a leap of faith, it may not turn out exactly as you want it to be but do not forget why you made that leap in the first place.
Yes, I may have written that relationships should not be hard work. Well, I guess, it really is. But we should never forget that we are not alone in it. We should never forget that love is not out of fate, it is a choice. We choose to love and we choose to commit.
Do not let the love and feelings slip away.
Always remember what made you stay.
xx
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