Let your faith be bigger than your fears.

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in a prayer,
believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. - Mark 11:24

It has been crazy for the past weeks, I had to finish and accomplish a lot of things because I was following a strict timeline and at one point it felt like I was drowning with the things I wanted to accomplish all at the same time. I wanted so many things to happen, I wanted it really bad because I knew that it will be another milestone not just for me but for my family as well. 

By nature, I am very persistent. I always try to make things happen (borderline - brat) and do whatever I can to get what I want and it disappoints me if I fail to get it. I also tend to overthink and analyze, I always try to view all sides of the spectrum, run down all the what ifs inside my head and just basically think about everything that could go wrong! I feel that if I don't think about it, it would just simply make everything worse and all the more that it might just not happen. 

Last year, I wanted to find a new job so bad. I wanted a job that could give me all the flexibility and support that I need while I try to succeed as a hands-on Mother. One day, an Australian company whose office happened to be also near our place invited me for an interview. So I went and gave my best shot. Their office was new, it even smelled new! It was so promising that right after the interview, I did not want to leave the office and just wanted to tell them, "PLEASE HIRE ME, I WILL BE GOOD. I WILL ALWAYS WORK HARD. (with matching puppy eyes)" Yes! I was ready to beg because that's how much I wanted to leave my current job then. But I had to follow the usual drill, I had to undergo a Final interview, so I waited for several days for it to be scheduled. After the final interview, they told me that I was the only one shortlisted for the role but they still have to make the decision whether they should keep the current person or let her go and  I should give them two (2) weeks to decide. So I said, okay, I'll wait. 

It was the longest two weeks of my life, I wanted it so bad because technically, it met all the criteria that I would want in a company, not to mention that they are an Australian company which meant that I would forever be in a morning shift. I tried to be patient and waited. I prayed so hard to the point that I even wrote a letter to St. Pio and promised that if I ever get the job, I will go to mass everyday and I will work hard. 

Two (2) weeks passed but I did not receive any call. And to my excitement and impatience, I no longer wanted to wait and just wanted to move on, so I sucked up my gut, called them and asked for an update. They apologized for not calling and told me that they have already made a decision and that was to keep the current person handling the role. 

O-M-G. Upon hearing the last few sentences, it felt like my whole world collapsed. I got so upset and felt really bad. I felt bad because I knew that I exerted effort, I gave it my best shot, I was so close, I prayed, I prayed really hard so how come was I not chosen? I was so hurt. 

There were a lot of questions in my head and honestly at one point, I felt like God has failed me because he did not answer my prayer. I felt scared because maybe he wanted to tell me that I was made to stuck in a rut. 

But then after several days of wallowing in pity, I received another call, I was again invited for an interview. I was really not familiar with the area because we don't normally go there but it was not that far from our place so I still went. It was an early morning interview, I met with their Sr. Manager, it was a good interview and the aura of the whole office was very light. The Sr. Manager was very calm but talkative (Haha!), I do not have any idea of the company's business, so he gave me a brief background and mentioned that they were an Australian company (wow! it was so promising). He even gave me a tour!

He told me that he had to make a decision in three days time because they were about to transition to a new employment model. So he promised to give me a call as soon as possible. But then, I already got burnt with the whole idea of a call back promise, so I did not keep my hopes up. 

After a day, I received a text message from him and he told me that I was scheduled for a final interview with their Country Manager, so I told myself, okay, it's just another interview, so I went; The Country Manager was pleasant, she wasn't Filipino and she seemed a bit serious. I felt a bit intimidated but then what the hell, I had to be at my best! So after the interview, she asked me If I was already given the tour? so I said yes and I was like, wow! this company must be really different, because it was kind of unusual to be given a tour to their whole office when you're still a candidate.  She told me that they really need to make a decision because they were in a strict timeline so I will definitely hear from them - but knowing me, of course I no longer believed that they were going to call me at the promised time. 

I was supposed to receive a call from them on a Monday but as expected it passed and I did not receive any call. I no longer hoped and just immediately moved on. Come Tuesday afternoon, I was surprised to receive a call from the Sr. Manager and he told me that he will be sending me the job offer letter via email and I was like... "WHAT?? I got the job?" and that's how my whole career in Salmat started. :)  

Prior to my start date, they invited me for short meet and greet with the team. I don't know why but at that point, It felt like home.  It felt good. They gave me a Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino, which I failed to drink because I was shy (guys! please forgive me but I loved it) it was my first time to be given such welcome and I felt really happy. 

After the meet and greet, I received a text message. It was from the first Australian company and they told me that they sent me a Job Offer letter in my email. I got really surprised because if I remembered it correctly, they already rejected me and besides why only now? Of course, I still got curious so I still checked the offer and it was pretty damn good. It s was even bigger from what I expected, even bigger from the offer I signed up for. 

I tried to think about it. Weighed out the pros and cons and made a decision to turn down their offer and proceed with what I signed up for. Yes, they may have given me a bigger offer but it already felt different, I no longer had that desire to be with their company, It did not feel right anymore. 

So maybe you're asking, what am I really trying to point out? Well, I guess at that point in my life God tried to tell me something and tried to remind me that  he always listens and never forgets. He wanted me to learn how to look for the best answers in life, He was leading me to a better life.  

I guess when he put me in the situation when I had to choose was his way of giving me a trick question and I guess with the turn out of events, I can say that I made the right decision and I am where he wants me to be. 

For the past days, I've been praying so hard for something and I'm starting to obsess about it again and when we went to mass yesterday, while the priest was giving his homily, three words struck me. Ask, Believe and Receive. He said that when we sincerely ask for something and believe that it will be ours then we will receive it. 

So who am I to question and doubt that God has bigger plans for me? and for the first time in weeks of torment and panic, I was calm and just uttered these words in my head, "I leave it up to you, Papa God. You know what's best and I will accept it whole heartedly." 

In all of my prayers, I would always just ask and pray but never did I say, I will leave it all up to him because I fear that if I say it, all the more that he will not make it happen because he won't feel my ardent desire. Bu yesterday was really different because it was the first time that I let go of my fears and just believed that he will make it happen. 

I am not a perfect christian, I am also not charismatic and I do not boast about my faith but to whoever is reading this, I want you to know that it is true,  God is good. You should never stop believing, Let your faith be bigger than your fears and remember that he answers our prayers, in his own way and in his own perfect time. 

xx