Losing it

So I was checking my previous notes in my laptop and found out that last June 2014 was also the time that I was praying so hard for something to happen. Well, I guess, most of  my Junes were always about waiting.

It was almost the same time this year that I was desperately wanting to get something but it just did not happen and yes I know there were better reasons. 

But, honestly, I am really starting to lose hope. :( 

It may sound crazy and contradicting, considering that I was full of confidence the last time I blogged about this and now here I am.. doubting all the remaining hope I've got. 

xx

Let your faith be bigger than your fears.

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in a prayer,
believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. - Mark 11:24

It has been crazy for the past weeks, I had to finish and accomplish a lot of things because I was following a strict timeline and at one point it felt like I was drowning with the things I wanted to accomplish all at the same time. I wanted so many things to happen, I wanted it really bad because I knew that it will be another milestone not just for me but for my family as well. 

By nature, I am very persistent. I always try to make things happen (borderline - brat) and do whatever I can to get what I want and it disappoints me if I fail to get it. I also tend to overthink and analyze, I always try to view all sides of the spectrum, run down all the what ifs inside my head and just basically think about everything that could go wrong! I feel that if I don't think about it, it would just simply make everything worse and all the more that it might just not happen. 

Year ender: Never forget.

Thirty minutes to go before the last day of the year and I'am still trying to collect my thoughts and recall the highlights of my year 2014. Well, for a fact it has really been a busy year for me, it was a pretty bumpy start but I am grateful on how everything turned out. It wasn't so bad after all. :)

I wanted to write about how my year went and how I learned so many things about work, parenting, friendship, relationships and life in general but then I said, I wanted to write about something that I might have forgotten, well not really, but at least, I might have  (unintentionally)  taken for granted. 

You see, being a working mom is really difficult. It's not all day play, it's not magic. But it's fulfilling. Yes, I know. You might have heard that cliché already but it's true. The moment I gave birth, I promised myself that no matter how busy I get, my child will always be my number one priority. I want to be there for her in every step of the way. I want to witness all her milestones. My goal was to be a hands-on Mom and so far I think I am on the right track. 

As awesome and as loving as it may sound, there's something wrong in the scenario above. Yes, you got it. I totally forgot the fact that there are three of us now. I forgot that the saying goes "Family should always come first." and family means, Daddy is included in the picture. :) I forgot this fundamental principle that each married couple should always remember: 

It has been 16 months since we became parents and having a child can be quite a handful and in these days, it's really difficult for us to go out without tagging Janna along. Especially now that she's growing up and she's becoming more clingy. 

I got a war in my mind.

I've been meaning to write about my feelings lately but my mind is too cluttered, I don't even know how to start. 

I have several topics in  my head but I could not choose what to write about, so please bear with me. 

Can you believe that we are at the last quarter of the year already? It's October! It seems like it was only yesterday when my Little Miss was born and now she already knows how to walk on her own. 

Honestly, this year has been pretty challenging for me, well for us. They say, first year's the hardest! I guess that's true. I guess no one can really prepare you for the battle that adult life has to offer and yes, I admit. It is difficult. 

There are so many things to think about and time is always not enough. Sometimes, I just want to cry my heart out and just let the feelings flow. But I couldn't. It feels like I need to lock it all inside because people would never understand. 

But I don't want to go crazy! I just feel really sad because even if I try to make the feelings go away, I just can't. 
It lingers. It's as if I am this big bag of ziplock, trying so hard to keep everything inside. no spills, no holes, no room for air to pass through. 

I could not explain, I could not even express, all I know is that

I got a war in my mind. 

Did this ever happen to you? If yes, how did you survive? 

xx

July 2014's Many Firsts

I was pretty grateful how July 2014 went for me, we've experienced quite a number of firsts. 

1. Janna had an awesome time in her first staycation experience with the rest of our family at the Richmonde Hotel, Ortigas. 
2. Leaving home for work for the first time suddenly became so difficult = Separation Anxiety
3. First stroll in Mckinley Hill, the new location of my office. 
4. First welcome cake. First time to experience a very warm welcome from my new colleagues. 
5. Dad, Janna and I tried out Yabu. It is in deed the best Katsu house. Haha!
6. I finally got to wear my Audrey Hepburn dress that I bought in Y2009. It was my first time to wear it given that it never really fitted me before and voila! a Post-pregnancy photo op! :) 
7. First time to attend the PMAP General Assembly at the Marriot. 
8. Finally found our new home and for the first time made the arrangements by myself. 

It was quite a fulfilling and steady month for me and I really hope to get through the whole year happily. Yay! 

xx

You are not a tree.

Tomorrow is my first day in my new work. 

After seven months of blog hibernation, here I am trying to sort everything out through writing. So let me try to give you a brief summary of how my life went these past few months. 

After my one-year and eight months relationship with Stream, I decided to leave and find a company who can offer me a constant day-shift because as you know I'm a new mom and I want to regularly sleep with my baby at night. Luckily, I was able to transfer and the company's offer was able to meet my needs except for I had to work six-days a week. 

At that time, I felt like I did not have much of a choice so I said, go.  It was a traditional company and compared to the culture and environment that I have been  with for the past seven years, it was totally different. It was different in a sense that people I work with had different perspectives, they had different goals. My boss was very old school and his management style did not welcome diversity which really gave me a hard time to adjust. But then I said, what the heck, why not give it a shot? Whatever it is that I'll experience would be part of my character building anyway. 

Happy thoughts!

Janna's first photo shoot: 

We availed two packages: We got the Silk - Package D which was P1,595 and the Silk - 12pcs (3R) which was P1770. Their packages were very affordable and worth it. You will also automatically become a Pic-A-Boo member as soon as reach P3,000 worth of any of their packages. You may combine packages if you wish. 

So if you're also interested to have a fun pictorial for your little ones, you may check out their facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/picaboostudio

xx