“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.”
- Paulo Coelho, The Devil and Miss Prym
Year 2012 has given me a lot of things to be grateful for. I was able to accomplish most of what I've listed in my new year's resolution. I got to drive my own car, found a new job with a good pay, traveled with family and made the most life changing decision in my life and that was to be free.
As I read my old blog posts, I can't help but laugh at myself and at the same time compare how I've changed. Well, maybe change is not the perfect word to describe it but it's how much I've grown and matured. Most of my posts were about my usual rants and raves about the world, how insecure I was and how I've been wanting to find myself. Maybe because I was never given constant re-assurance that I was doing fine or at least for my age, If I was doing great or not. But with all of what I've experienced, I learned that no one can really give me that assurance, except for myself. I should have never tried hard to find myself because I was never lost.
On May of last year, I ended my 6-year relationship. It was one of the most difficult decision I had to make that year because I knew that I was not just going to break someone's heart but because I also knew that people will try to judge my decision. Several people were surprised and tried to ask me what happened. Relatives, friends, colleagues and many more. Too many that some were so obvious that they just want to get something to talk about. But I never tried to explain to anyone because I felt and believed that I did not have to. Many have called me names (malandi,cheater), even some of my closest friends did not understand why I had to make that decision. He, himself bashed me over the internet but I kept mum. I thought, maybe it was his way of moving on. I did not speak. I did not even access the internet for a while or at least I tried not to visit any of my account that was visible to anyone who knew me, who knew US. I decided to leave the world where I was before.
If you were to ask me before, what made me end that 6-year old relationship, I would have answered you, "I just wanted to do things on my own" or "I want to find myself" because I'm too much of a wuss and got really scared of being judged. But just like what I've mentioned earlier, I have matured (in a way), I guess. So if you were to ask me now, I'm no longer scared to give you a straight answer. So what happened?
If I were to pick a movie scene that would best fit my answer, it would be:
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| 500 Days of Summer (2009) |
